The Piranhas

Well, I guess this is my attempt at yet another journal. Anyway, to the point: there’s a reason why I play solo in Warcraft and other games. I have a history with massively multiplayer online games, also known as an MMORPG, and I’ve just had trouble dealing with other people’s emotions and all this other stuff.

Here’s a good example: Today, I like generating things with Gemini, that’s fun, and I put the prompt in. I don’t claim my AI-generated art is all that—it’s meant to be fun and happy, and it’s not meant to insult any artist; I have a lot of respect for artists. Anyway, so I posted this AI-generated picture, and I said it was AI generated (I said “AI fun”), on one of the Warcraft forums under “fan art” on Discord.

I immediately got a response saying, “Oh, this is called ‘you do it yourself.'” I said, “No, it’s AI.” Then I got another response saying, “That’s against policies, you might want to delete it.” Before I could figure out how to delete it, another person came in and said, “This is against policy.” I felt like I was being attacked and I typed, “I’m trying to delete it, hold on.”

I sometimes refer to interactions like this to Paranhas.

I went to try to find the image, and it was gone. I said, “Oh well, somebody beat me to it. I guess somebody took it down for me.” Then another person comes in and goes, “Yes,” and I’m like… and I put, “I’m humble, okay? I didn’t realize I was violating a policy, please don’t beat me up over this.” Then I just quit. I just quit the forum. I’m like, “Done, I’m gone.” I really hate these things. I hate getting beat up over something that I feel like I didn’t do or didn’t realize. I own up to my mistakes, but in the keyboard-typing world, a lot of times people don’t care. You can only yell so loud with a keyboard.

Given that, it really upset me. I enjoy the game; I’ve been playing the game twenty years, and so has my wife. They have policies against bullying and stuff like that in the game and also in the Discord chat rooms, but it still remains—it’s like, whatever. That’s why I don’t group; that’s why I’m a solo player: because there are so many different personalities out there and sensitivities, including my own. So I thought I’d make a journal entry about it and apologize and quit. I’m like, “That’s it, I want the last word on this,” because they’ll just keep going, “You should have read this,” “You should have done…” I’ve experienced it before, very bad.

I’ve lost real-life friends because of this kind of stuff, and I lost online friends and acquaintances because of this kind of stuff. I own the mistakes I make, but oftentimes it’s like something I don’t do. Years ago at another MMO, there was a couple I enjoyed grouping with; we were close, and everything was great. It was my first MMORPG. They went on vacation somewhere for about a week, and then I decided to take a break from the game because it was just taking up way too much time in my life, and I wanted to have a little bit of self-moderation.

These people came back from vacation and found that I had also gone on vacation, and they got really upset. I never understood why I would go on vacation while they returned from their vacation. It’s like, well, they couldn’t group with me, so now they’re upset? I don’t understand. It’s a mental world that you go into in these things, but it got very confusing, and I eventually just quit the game, deleted my character, and started playing Warcraft. I don’t talk to any of the people I knew back then anymore, so I make myself a recluse to avoid such things.

Another good example is something that happened today. I make jewelry, and when people want a refund on something that’s not the fault of the service or the product, they make it sound like it’s your fault. It’s just like if you look through reviews on Amazon—you’ll see people leaving bad reviews for something that has absolutely nothing to do with the product. That’s what they did. For example, misuse: “I thought my lawn mower blade that I ordered on Amazon would work on the leaf shredder,” and then they give it a bad review because the other one made the mistake.

I went through that this morning, and now I’m paranoid that I’m going to get a bad review, which is a tedious thing on Etsy, but it wasn’t our fault. She ordered one of these piercing retainers and said she had some sort of allergic reaction. I said that’s highly unlikely with the type of material she bought. Instead of arguing, I just said, “Okay, here’s your 12 bucks back,” or whatever it was, “25 bucks back, no sweat off my back.”

But still, it’s the thought of her coming in and saying, “Hi, according to Etsy’s policies, I qualify for a refund.” I’ve known the Etsy policies for like 10 years now, and I’m like, “No, it’s not.” I really wanted to argue, but I just pointed out, “You might want to look through the policies; we’re going to refund you anyway,” and I had a corporate tone about me, which I hate.

That was it. All of this just happened this morning; it’s just crazy. Now I want to get to the part where hopefully I can feel better.

I made an AI-generated comic to vent:

And, I wrote in this journal.

In the end, I realize that the forum incident truly isn’t a catastrophe. I tend to project a cynical subtext onto every syllable I read; for instance, that person saying “yes” might not have been snarky at all, just brief. I have this habit of misinterpreting intentions. Deep down, I’ve often felt like the outsider or the underdog within my family and social circles, and even now, I’m still navigating those feelings. I need to accept that it’s okay to just walk away; I don’t require their validation of my creativity. I viewed it as lighthearted fun, but they saw it differently, and I can respect that boundary. While they felt like malicious piranhas in the moment, I know it wasn’t that serious. It’s the same with my Etsy shop—if that customer leaves a negative review despite the product being fine, I’ll just contest it. If it stays, I’ll survive. I’ve been at this for a decade; I shouldn’t let one minor grievance rattle me. Just articulating this conclusion has helped immensely. The nausea and the urge to cry have faded, and it’s nearly time for lunch. 

Peace, and be kind to yourself, Mark!